noaim

1.8 Si mated to a Manual... All the way... Woot Woot!

Congratulations!

Bottle of Beer - Rs 300+ Food at MB - Rs 500+ Getting copped for drunk driving - priceless (well uh Rs500 would do)

There's a bomb in the forum!?

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday!

Automobile Tool Definitions Hammer: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. Mechanic's Knife: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers. Electric Hand Drill: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling rollbar mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above the brake line that goes to the rear axle. Hacksaw: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. Aviation Metal Snips: See Hacksaw. Vise-Grips: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. Oxyacetelene Torch: Used almost entirely for lighting those stale garage cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket drawer (What wife would think to look in there?) because you can never remember to buy lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter you got from the PX at Fort Campbell. Zippo Lighter: See oxyacetelene torch. Whitworth Sockets: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for hiding six-month old Salems from the sort of person who would throw them away for no good reason. Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against the Rolling Stones poster over the bench grinder. Wire Wheel: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it takes you to say, "Django Reinhardt". Hydraulic Floor Jack: Used for lowering a Mustang to the ground after you have installed a set of Ford Motorsports lowered road springs, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front air dam. Eight-Foot Long Douglas Fir 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack. Tweezers: A tool for removing wood splinters. Phone: Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. Snap-On Gasket Scraper: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot. E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit. Timing Light: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys. Two-Ton Hydraulic Engine Hoist: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines you may have forgotten to disconnect. Craftsman 1/2 x 16-inch Screwdriver: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle. Battery Electrolyte Tester: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought. Trouble Light: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. Phillips Screwdriver: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads. Air Compressor: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Abingdon, Oxfordshire, and rounds them off.

German automotive phrases (with apologies!) Indicator Lights: Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken Windscreen Wipers: Der flippenflappenmuckenschpredder Exhaust Pipe: Spitzenpoppenhangentuben Power Brakes: Der edbangeronvinschreen stoppenquick Seat Belts: Der klunkenklikken frauleinstrapper Rear Seat: Der Schpringentester Backfire: Der Lowdenbangermekkenjumpen Accident: Das Bleedinkmess Near Accident: Der Phewn Near Schittenselfen Garage: Der Hieway Robberung Fuel Gauge: Der Walletemptyung Meter (collected at Michigan State University) ................................................................................ .................................... Automotive companies don't have help lines for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers. But what if they did! HelpLine: "Automotive HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened" HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?" Customer: "What's an ignition?" HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine." Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?" HelpLine: "Automotive HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere" HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?" Customer: "Huh? How do I know?" HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?" Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?" HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you." Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!" HelpLine: "Automotive HelpLine, how can I help you?" Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes and power door locks." HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" Customer: "How do I work it?" HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?" Customer: "Do I know how to what?" HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?" Customer: "I'm not a technical person, I just want to go places in my car!" (original source unknown) ................................................................................ ......................... The 'Basic Price' There was a farmer, Perley Moore, who had recently bought a truck and found that the "basic price" was only the beginning. Once the salesman had added on all the extras—towing package, toolbox, fifth-wheeler attachment, etc. —the price was quite a bit higher. Well, by a strange turn of fate, that same salesman stopped by Perley's farm one day to buy a cow. The dealer examined the herd, picked out a likely specimen, and asked about the price. "That's a hundred-dollar cow," Moore replied directly. "That's fair enough," said the salesman. "I'll take her." "Well, now, that's the basic price," Moore added, getting out pencil and paper. "There are one or two extras, of course." He made a few notes and handed the paper to the dealer. Here is the final invoice: Basic cow $100 Two-tone exterior $45 Storage compartment and dispensing device $60 Four spigots @ $10 each $40 Genuine cowhide upholstery $75 Dual horns @ $7.50 each $15 Automatic fly-swatter $35 Total $370 Thanks for this go to Christopher Kimball, founder and editor, America's Test Kitchen. ................................................................................ ............... Be careful what you wear (or don't wear!), when working under your vehicle... From Australia's Sydney Morning Herald, comes this story of a couple who drove their car until it broke down in a shopping mall parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches to his head. (reported by the Sydney Morning Herald) ................................................................................ .....................

For the engineers among us who understand that the obvious is not always the solution, and that the facts, no matter how implausible, are still the facts ... A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors: "This is the second time I have written you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I kind of sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of ice cream for dessert after dinner each night. But the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem. You see, every time I buy vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds: 'What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?'" The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an engineer to check it out anyway. The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well-educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start. The engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, the man got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start. Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: he jotted down all sorts of data, time of day, type of gas used, time to drive back and forth, etc. In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to find the flavor and get checked out. Now the question for the engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Once time became the problem-not the vanilla ice cream-the engineer quickly came up with the answer: vapor lock. It was happening every night, but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to dissipate. Moral of the story: even insane-looking problems are sometimes real. (collected at General Motors)

500 GB HardDisk

Three men - an American, a Japanese and an Irishman were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The other men looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager" the American said. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished his conversation, he explained: "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The Irishman felt decidedly low tech, but was determined not to be outdone. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a long piece of toilet paper trailing from his backside. The others raised their eyebrows at him. The Irishman glanced around and said: "Bejesus! Wouldja look at dat!! I'm gettin' a fax!"

Oh sorry someone asked for the link. :| I missed that post. Ya thats the one, thanx Saturn!

and my reply to KLM's! Once again, I find disappointment. Once again, I find no satisfaction. Once again, I find that KLM frequently takes an accepted moral principle, adopts it as his own, and then accuses mainstream society of violating that principle. Permit me this forum to rant. He is doing everything in his power to make me adopt a new worldview. The only reason I haven't yet is that I believe in the four P's: patience, prayer, positive thinking, and perseverance. The more I think about dotty fanatics, the more troubled I become by his monographs. So you see, there is a tortured quality to KLM's reasoning, a careful avoidance of obvious conclusions, and a painstaking circumnavigation of embarrassing facts. or Once again, I find it necessary to write in defense of myself and my beliefs. By way of introduction, let me just say that KLM's witticisms will come back to bite us in the behind in a lustrum or two. But it goes further than that; KLM's rantings are geared toward the continuation of social stratification under the rubric of "tradition". Funny, that was the same term that his forces once used to take control of a nation and suck it dry. Might I suggest that KLM search for a hobby? It seems he has entirely too much time on his hands, given how often he tries to call evil good and good evil. Summa summarum, KLM has allied himself with the devil and serves him faithfully. whichever is better

Advice Needed: http://forum.autolanka.com/index.php?s...pic=397&hl= -Edited a small part where there was a jumble of emoticons- 12 lost in horrible accident: http://forum.autolanka.com/index.php?s...pic=885&hl= Some of my worst

Complaint No 2! I'm not writing this letter so that I can change the SriLankan Government's mind but rather to help others with open minds understand that repulsive slubberdegullions are receptive to the SriLankan Government's salacious messages and fool easily. Before I get moving here, let me point out that if you're like most people you just shrug your shoulders whenever you hear about the SriLankan Government's latest scare tactics. When your shoulders get tired of shrugging I hope you'll realize that there's something I've observed about the SriLankan Government. Namely, it may not know how to spell "disproportionateness" but it indubitably knows how to send the wrong message to children. I've further observed that the SriLankan Government's rantings represent a new postmodernist ethos that impudent yutzes will eventually use to scapegoat easy, unpopular targets, thereby diverting responsibility from more culpable parties. There's nothing controversial about that view. It's a fact, pure and simple. It was a fact long before anyone realized that every time the SriLankan Government tries, it gets increasingly successful in its attempts to anesthetize the human spirit. This dangerous trend means not only death for free thought, but for imagination as well. The SriLankan Government's effusions are destructive. They're morally destructive, socially destructive -- even intellectually destructive. And, as if that weren't enough, the virus of materialism took control of our country's political life long ago. Now, thanks to the SriLankan Government's rodomontades, that virus will continue to spread until no one can recall that the SriLankan Government's lies come in many forms. Some of its lies are in the form of declamations. Others are in the form of bruta fulmina. Still more are in the form of folksy posturing and pretended concern and compassion. The SriLankan Government is trying to gain a respectable foothold for its rotten vaporings. Their mission? To waste hours and hours of our time in fruitless conferences and meetings. What I wrote just a moment ago is not the paranoid rambling of a shallow-to-the-core wacko. It's a fact. If you think that the world is crying out to labor beneath The SriLankan Government's firm but benevolent heel then you're suffering from very serious nearsightedness. You're focusing too much on what The SriLankan Government wants you to see and failing to observe many other things of much greater importance such as that I know more about demagogism than most people. You might even say that I'm an expert on the subject. I can therefore state with confidence that of all of The SriLankan Government's exaggerations and incorrect comparisons, one in particular stands out: "Individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin." I don't know where it came up with this, but its statement is dead wrong. I can no longer brook The SriLankan Government's rude memoranda. So I give you this letter. I hope it helps.

Internet's slow and drops.

Calls & Mails?! Wow i didn't know i could cause such chaos and never have i ever tried to in this forum be4! Ah yes hola, i wish i had thought of this then! Actually its a complaint generator thingy.

Oh no u don't.... U fell for it too! Admit it!

There is currently a lot of controversy about autoLanka.com's stances, and I know that any letter on the subject will almost certainly cause someone to pander to our worst fears. Still, by its very nature, obstructionism finds its adherents among avaricious paranoiacs like autoLanka.com. Please note that many of the conclusions I'm about to draw are based on cogent and virtually incontrovertible evidence provided by a set of people who have suffered immensely on account of autoLanka.com. If autoLanka.com can overawe and befuddle a sufficient number of prominent individuals then it will become virtually impossible for anyone to respond to autoLanka.com's reinterpretations of historic events. The space remaining in this letter will not suffice even to enumerate the ways in which autoLanka.com has tried to damn this nation and this world to Hell. Take it from me: If you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you're wrong. AutoLanka.com has, at times, called me "impulsive" or "blinkered". Such contemptuous name-calling has passed far beyond the stage of being infantile but harmless. It has the capacity to fleece us. AutoLanka.com's hangers-on consider its prognoses a breath of fresh air. I, however, find them more like the fetid odor of masochism. Though the atrabilious spring up like grass and wily bourgeoisie flourish, they are doomed to be destroyed forever -- especially if we instill a sense of responsibility and maturity in those who overthrow democratic political systems. In particular, autoLanka.com believes that it should glorify the things that everyone else execrates because "it's the right thing to do". That's just wrong. It further believes that the majority of neo-warped tyrants are heroes, if not saints. Wrong again! I, not being one of the many mealymouthed money-worshippers of this world, am not embarrassed to admit that I have neither the training, the experience, the license, nor the clinical setting necessary to properly advance a clear, credible, and effective vision for dealing with our present dilemma and its most repulsive manifestations. Nevertheless, I undoubtedly do have the will to show it how it is as wrong as wrong can be. That's why I think that autoLanka.com has announced its intentions to impose theological straightjackets on scriptural interpretation. While doing so may earn autoLanka.com a gold star from the mush-for-brains antiheroism crowd, we are at war. Don't think we're not just because you're not stepping over dead bodies in the streets. We're at war with autoLanka.com's lascivious remonstrations. We're at war with its hypersensitive codices. And we're at war with its revolting musings. As in any war, we ought to be aware of the fact that if you've read this far then you probably either agree with me or are on the way to agreeing with me. I close this letter along the same lines it opened on: This letter should be regarded as the beginning, not the end, of my stance against autoLanka.com.

Jeebus!!! Anyone wanna start a bullock hiring company with me? It's also spreading fast: "The Indonesian government has raised fuel prices by nearly 30%, prompting fears of widespread unrest. Malaysia is also considering overhauling its subsidy system, and Taiwan has decided to end a freeze on petrol prices in June. " - BBC

There's a gold Lexus soarer around, 2003 i think. Seen it many a times at the studio in reid avenue, near the Russian centre. And also it came in an advert i think. And if i'm not mistaken i think i saw another in kohuwela. I think it'll cost around 10+Mill.

Happy Birthday.

Happy birthday m8.

Happy Birthday