If a tree falls...
This is the question:
If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Here are some answers:
If a tree falls in the forest...
Catholicism: It fell for our sins.
Judaism: Oy, the tree fell, again?!
Buddhism: There is no tree.
Islam: Islam is not really about knocking over trees.
Fundamentalism: The tree was Evil.
Racism: That kind of tree is always falling.
Plagiarism: That kind of tree is always falling.
Defeatism: All the trees are going to fall.
Pessimism: That is the forest of the fallen tree.
Optimism: Almost all the trees are standing.
Capitalism: Let's sell the wood.
Globalism: Let's sell the wood, half way around the world.
Communism: Let's knock over all the other trees.
Socialism: Let's ask the other trees to fall.
Nepotism: Give the tree to my cousin.
Isolationism: That tree is none of our business, in fact, neither is the forest.
And the one that actually tries to answer the question asked, is...
Quantum Physics: Of course not, by definition.
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English - a Second Language
Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Czechoslovak tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Swiss mountain inn:
Special today - no ice cream.
Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as a man.
Yugoslav hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaids.
Swiss restaurant menu:
Our wines leave you with nothing to hope for.
Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Car rental firm brochure in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
Swedish Furrier:
Furs made for ladies from their own skins.