The Car You Drive...................

[shamitz]

Hi All,

I got the following along with heap of other email jokes. Just thought I'd share it with u guys. Have a good laugh

cheers,

Shami

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The Car You Drive........................

Alfa

Passionate and romantic, you fancy yourself. A bit unreliable, and can be eccentric too. You hate BMW drivers, but think and act just like them.

Audi

You would like to believe you are part of the new generation that is caring, environmentally conscious and family-orientated. Actually quite boring; nothing more than a glorified wuss. Will one day probably drive a Merc, but you still sometimes wonder if you shouldn't have bought that Bee-Em.

BMW

Self-centred, ambitious, dynamic and assertive. Can be a big show-off pig. Likes impressing too. Buppies and kugels past sell-by date. You think you will be CEO one day. Actually an office weenie who thinks you are God's gift.

Daewoo

Faceless, subservient and demure (except for Matiz drivers). To you, a good deal is to work from nine to five, get nothing for it, and still say thank you. And then you wonder why you don't have money for a time after hours.

Fiat

Cute self-confident girls climbing the corporate ladder with ball-breaking as their hidden agenda. Will take everything you own if she divorces you.

Ford

You still live in the 70's, trying to cope with the 90's (don't even mention the millennium). A loyal, diligent worker, but baffled by office politics and labour policies. Next car will probably also be a Ford.

Holden

You are the ultimate on-road wanker. You think your 80s model Commodore is a V8 supercar, OR you think by owning a Barina you’re a true Holden fan. You’re either a redneck or a way-too-standard family parent – but either way, you most likely drive like you’re the only person on the road. You’re even ignorant enough to argue that the new Commodore is better than the new Ford.

Honda

You aspire to drive a BMW. You are an opinionated pain-in-the-butt. The ultimate suffragette, or the boss's girlfriend (male or female!).

Isuzu

You like the smell of diesel and have secret fantasy of being a truck driver.

Hyundai /Kia

Quite progressive, intelligent and practical. But misguided. The kind of person who will suggest a sub-committee to find solutions to what the committee couldn't. You will always maintain that a Korean car is better than any Japanese model.

Jeep

You would like to believe you are living the American dream and just love the great outdoors. The closest you get to it is by watching Days of Our Lives and the Adventure Channel.

Land Rover

You are a designer person with a designer life, who always pays too much for everything. Designer mud comes free with the badge. You're a closet colonial racist and have fantasies about the Queen. If you have a Freelander, it was probably a break-up gift from your ex.

Mazda

A Ford driver with less money. Mostly staid boring with no image and less imagination. Lots of retired people drive Mazdas. You're in the way and should get off the road.

Mercedes-Benz

Responsible, immaculate and conservative. Boring CEO clones with too much money, or the office super-geek who can't remember what it's like to have fun. Definitely not dating material.

Nissan

Good, solid, responsible, loyal office-fodder. You like to travel and maintain that you can sell ice to the Eskimos. Favourite answer: "It's a company car."

Mitsubishi

Not as label-conscious as your Land Rover counterpart, but still suckered into believing in the ultimate Paris-to-Dakar, African adventure. You drive through puddles to create your own designer mud. You believe you've made the grade, but everyone else knows you've got a long way to go.

Peugeot

Thinks France is the best country in the world and bores everybody with your limited French knowledge and tales of the Louvre and the Sourbonne.

Porsche

Small dick or mid-life crisis.

Renault

An eccentric who likes doing things the wrong way around. Usually the one who asks all the silly questions at staff meetings. You fervently believe you have flair, but it's less than that of a French cookbook. Most probably gay.

Ssangyong

A make-believe fool, because you'd like a Pajero but can't afford it. Don't actually know that the engines are made in India and not in Germany.

Toyota

Although there are thousands of them, you mostly can’t spot them in their zero-image cars. Toyotas are good, reliable cars and are bought by a wide variety of people who have zero personality to go with their cars and are basically chicken-shit scared people who will never take chances and will therefore be driving Toyotas forever.

The most zero-image car in the world?, ... a white Corolla

Volkswagen

Highly overrated for dependability cars since the days of the Beetle, but they do have a good re-sale value. Usually practical, sensible people who like to drive fast where nobody can see them. They are usually loyal to their brand to the point of irritation due to the fact that they lost their virginity on a Beetle's back seat.

Volvo

As square and safe as the car

[Pericles]

The Car You Drive........................

Honda

You aspire to drive a BMW. You are an opinionated pain-in-the-butt. The ultimate suffragette, or the boss's girlfriend (male or female!).

Ooohhhh, maaaadmaxxx!!!

Here's to the guy who made the leap!

[streetKIA]

Hyundai /Kia

Quite progressive, intelligent and practical. But misguided. The kind of person who will suggest a sub-committee to find solutions to what the committee couldn't. You will always maintain that a Korean car is better than any Japanese model.

Hehe the last sentence is quite true

Edited June 8, 2007 by streetKIA

[MRM]

Hi All,

I got the following along with heap of other email jokes. Just thought I'd share it with u guys. Have a good laugh

cheers,

Shami

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The Car You Drive........................

Nissan

Good, solid, responsible, loyal office-fodder. You like to travel and maintain that you can sell ice to the Eskimos. Favourite answer: "It's a company car."

true it is a company car

[Lalithster]

Ssangyong

A make-believe fool, because you'd like a Pajero but can't afford it. Don't actually know that the engines are made in India and not in Germany.

doesnt the sticker say powered by MBenz?

[Hola]

Honda

You aspire to drive a BMW. You are an opinionated pain-in-the-butt. The ultimate suffragette, or the boss's girlfriend (male or female!).

its a honor!

[Overdrive]

Car acronyms

ACURA

Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile

Asia's Curse Upon Rural America

AMC

All Makes Combined

A Major Cost

A Mutated Car

A Morons Car

Another Major Catastrophe

AUDI

Awfully Unsafe Designs Implemented

Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

Automobile Under Demonic Influence

Another Ugly Deutsche Invention

Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence

Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.

BMW

Big Money Works

Bought My Wife

Brutal Money Waster

Break My Window

Break My Windshield

Babbling Mechanical Wench

Beastly Monstrous Wonder

Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels

Beautiful Mechanical Wonder

Barely Moving Wreck

Big Money Waste

Big Money. Why?

Big Money Works

Born Moderately Wealthy

Breaks Most Wrenches

Bring More Wrenches

Brings Me Women

Brings More Women

Broken Money Waster

Broke My Wallet

Broken Monstrous Wonder

Bumbling Mechanical Wretch

Blasphemous Motorized Wreck

BUICK

Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King

CHEVROLET

Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips

Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time

Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

DODGE

Drips Oil & Drops Grease Everywhere

Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater

Dead Old Dog Going East

Dead On Day Guarantee Expires

Dead On Delivery, Go Easy

Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired

Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter

Dear Old Dads Garage Experiment

Daily Overhauls Do Get Expensive

EDSEL

Every Day Something Else Leaks

FIAT

Failed Italian Automotive Technology

Fix It Again, Tony!

Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation

FORD

Frigin' Old Rebuilt Dodge

Fix Or Repair Daily

Found On Road Dead

Fast Only Rolling Downhill

First On Race Day

First On Recall Day

Fabricated Of Refried Dung

Fails On Rainy Days

Fantastically Orgasmic Realistic Dream

Fatally Obese Redneck Driver

Fault Of R&D

Finally Obsolete Racing Device

Fireball On Rear Denting

First On Road to Dump

First On Rust and Deterioration

Fix Or Recycle Dilemma

Flipping Over Results in Death

Flipped Over Roadside Disaster

Follow Our Rusty Dogsled

Foot On Road Decelerates

Forced On Reluctant Drivers

Formed Of Rejected DNA

Forwarded Once; Return Denied

Forward Only; Reverse Defective

Forlorn, Old, Ratridden Dustbin

Fork Over Repair Dough

Fouled Out Re-done Dodge

Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Deterioration

Free Or Reduced Drastically

Frequent Opinion Really Disappointed

Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable

Funny Old Rattling Dump

(backwards) Driver Returns On Foot

GEO

Good Engineering Overlooked

GM

General Maintenance

Great Mistake

Garbage Motors

Generally Miserable

Grossly Misconceived

Gluteus Maximus

GMC

Garage Man's Companion

Gotta Mechanic Coming?

Generally Mediocre Cars

Get More Chicks

Gets Mechanics Crazy

Gods Mechanical Curse

Got More Crap

Great Mountain Climber

Great Motor Car

GTO

Gas, Tires, Oil

HONDA

Had One Never Did Again

Hang On, Not Done Accelerating

Hallmark Of Non-Descript Automobiles

Hallmark Of Non-Destructable Automobiles

HYUNDAI Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

JEEP

Just Eats Every Part

Junk Engineering Executed Poorly

Just Empty Every Pocket

MAZDA

Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MG

Money Guzzler

MGB

Might Go Backwards

MGF

Might Go Forward

MIATA

My Intention Always To Accelerate

MOPAR

Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly

Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously

Most Often Passed At Races

Mostly Old Parts And Rust

Move Over People Are Racing

Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly

My Old Pig Ain't Running

My Only Problems Are Repairs

MUSTANG

Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good

OLDSMOBILE

Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

old ladies driving slowly making other behind insanely late everyday

PINTO

Put In Nickel To Operate

Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook

PLYMOUTH

Please Leave Your Money Out Under The Hood

PORSCHE

Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

SAAB

Send Another Automobile Back

Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown

Sad Attempt At Beauty

Sorry Auto, Always Broken

Shape Appears Ass-Backwards

SUBARU

Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

TOYOTA

Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass

The One You Ought To Avoid

TRIUMPH

This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!

Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!

VOLVO

Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW

Virtually Worthless

Edited June 8, 2007 by Overdrive

[Devinda_Z]

don't forget LOTUS : Lots Of Trouble Usually Serious !

[GTAm]

don't forget LOTUS : Lots Of Trouble Usually Serious !

And F I A T - Fix It Again Tony

[lakshank]

THE PSYCHE OF 4X4 DRIVERS

The Land Rover Defender driver comes in two styles. The first is he who loads up with safari gear and heads off into the wild blue yonder (the type we all hope to be one day) confident that he has the best 4x4xfar. He does it on high-days and holidays and would never be caught with his jerry cans down (off the roof-rack). He is the man who, unless he has had his morning fix of hypoid gear oil wafting past his nostrils and water dripping on his feet, is discontented and unproductive. The second is an image man. Unless he gets that safari feeling as he fights his way through the morning traffic, he is not nice to be with.

The Discovery is Britain's most significant contribution to good posture. Even if the driver is four-foot six, he is tall when behind the wheel of a Disco. No opportunity is lost as this superlative 4x4 cruises around the most expensive malls, for drivers and passengers alike like to peer down on mere mortals, with their well trained stiff upper lips protruding. (Posture instruction is in the driver's manual you get with a Disco)

The Mazda driver, is one who has one foot in and one foot out - not sure if he wants to be a 4x4 man or not. He loves his vehicle, but don't you dare compare it to anything else. He is one who, when selecting his mount, wanted a Hilux, but wasn't sure that he wanted to have kidney transplants more than absolutely necessary.

The Ford pick-up driver is a badge-engineered Mazda driver.

The Pajero owner sees himself as the master of the universe. The real master of the universe wonders if He should admit to having created him in the first place. He is an obsessive compulsive and if given the choice of one or two articles to take onto a desert island, a leggy blond or his car, he would, without hesitation, select his beloved Pajero. The Pajero in the 4x4 world is the equivalent of the Red Ferrari in a man's world.

The Gelandewagen driver is cool, calm and collected and often German. If he is not German, he gets a hint of what it's like to actually be a German - driving an armored car in the desert. He is usually ignorant of the fact that he is driving such a superb off-roader and is also one of the most frustrated drivers around, because his car is so slow that he must leave two days ahead to get there with the others.

The Hilux driver reigns supreme - or at least he thinks he does. If he drives an older Hilux with cart springs he is terrified that one day he will meet his match - somebody driving a new Hilux who will show him how a Hilux really performs. If he drives a new Hilux, with independent front suspension, he is terrified that one day he will meet his match - somebody driving an old Hilux who will show him how a Hilux really performs. The Hilux driver is very proud that he is tough enough to take the rough with the smooth (smooth!?) in order that he may have piece of mind that his truck will go on forever. He is less proud however, and never lets on, about the kidney belt in the cubbyhole and silent wish for a Defender that is half as reliable.

The SsangYong driver is a bit of a loner. The bank loaned him the money to buy it and he is now all-alone, because nobody wants to travel with him in case he breaks down. He, and the entire world, is not sure of the correct pronunciation of the Korean word, and the only word in all the languages of the earth, to start with a double-S. He spends much of his time hoping that nobody will notice that his car is made by the same people who have produced the ugliest moving object on the planet - the Korando. He wishes he could have bought a Prado.

The really old Land Rover driver has either never driven a coil spring Land Rover or is a fanatic who likes spending his weekends on his back being rained on by oil and dirt. Or, he is really poor.

The Mercedes M-Class driver wants a 4x4 with the ultimate accessory - a right-of-way as standard original equipment. What worries me about this and that BMW are now bringing out a 4x4. What are drivers of that going to be like? I have sleepless nights about it!

The Prado driver is a bit self-absorbed. He is a man in love with his new lifestyle and not perturbed about telling everyone either. He's confident his vehicle will cope and every time he takes it off-road he apologizes to it for his inadequacy. If he drives a diesel he regrets not buying a petrol when trying to overtake with his B'rakhah behind him but is very pleased when the petrol levy is announced in the budget.

The Range Rover owner is a woman. He wouldn't dare get mud on it (tell me, have you ever seen a dirty Range Rover?) and doesn't have a clue how to adjust the suspension for off-road travel anyway. Besides, it can climb pavements on the normal road setting.

The Cruiser VX driver is a deaf mute. He is spellbound by his vehicle and never opens the window to talk or throw signs to anyone. He loses his way around the dashboard because every time he climbs in, the electric seat is in a different position. Smitten by his cocksure atititude, he drives past Range Rovers trying not to notice how much better they look.

The Nissan Patrol owner was a magpie in his former life. Some of it rubbed off and he now likes chrome so much that he chose the one and only 4x4 that could satisfy his lust for shiny objects. New Patrol owners really wanted a Cruiser but couldn't quite afford it so they went for the next biggest thing.

Nissan Sani drivers are disappointed people. Most have had long-standing love affairs with their vehicles but don't like the new one. They lie awake at night crying themselves to sleep with the words, "I want a new old Sani, not a new, new Sani, boo, hoo" All 4x4 owners have one secret wish - that one day a shiny BMW tailgating them will misjudge a stop and slam into their tow bar, converting the kidney grille into a unrecognizable mess.

[ash]

Good one shamitz

true it is a company car

or a company maintained....

[MRM]

Good one shamitz

or a company maintained....

it's company owned & maintained but not for long

[shamitz]

Good one shamitz

thanx

btw, I drive a Nissan too .... but it aint a company car