Jump to content
  • Welcome to AutoLanka

    :action-smiley-028: We found you speeding on AutoLanka Forums without any registration! If you want the best experience, please sign in. Safe driving! 

Post Whoring - Part 2


Recommended Posts

Guys this is our second Post-Whoring thread as the original Post-Whoring thread had reached 100 pages !!! So we thought of closing it and moving to a new thread to improve page loading time. Please feel free to continue you’re post-whoring in this thread from now on ... :blink:

Link to Original Post Whoring thread [Click Here]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Cheers madz, yes that thread WAS a bit slow....

so okay,, i'll open with a pure piece of post whoring to kep the spirit going/....


there we go lolz


(p.s. excuse the weirdness gents, serious sleep deprivation talking here)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

" Some Soup up Cars, some bikes and some ...... bathtubs!!! :D




To increase your vocabulary with phrases you've heard but aren't quite sure how to use, read on...

"Cold turkey"

Definition: Refers to the physical state addicts are in when withdrawing from drug

addition, especially heroin. Their blood is directed to the internal organs, leaving

their skin white and goose bumpy like a Thanksgiving bird ready to go in the oven.

Mmmmm, junkie turkey.

Origin: The first usage of this phrase is unknown, but it has as many applications as

there are things to be addicted to.

Use it in a sentence: After coming down with a strange illness that turned his

eye-whites blue, Ozzy had to go cold turkey from biting the heads off live bats or

any other animals.

"Going Dutch"

Definition: To evenly split the cost of a group expense, like a meal.

Origin: The origin of the phrase is unknown, but there is one explanation. In the

17th century, the Dutch were hated commercial rivals of the British, and have been a

verbal target for them since. Anyone who "went Dutch" may have been considered a

tightwad. Not surprisingly, the Dutch don't seem to love this phrase.

Use it in a sentence: The last girl I went out with called me a superior patriarchal

misogynist who didn't respect her independence just because I offered to pick up the

tab. So last night I decided I'd play it safe and suggested to my date that we go

Dutch. She called me a cheap bastard!

"Shit hits the fan"

Definition: Refers to the commotion that can occur when a situation that was

previously secret is publicly revealed. Graphically illustrates the distinction

between fecal matter, which is not in itself such a problem, and fecal matter piling

up to the ceiling fan and then being sprayed everywhere, which pretty much sucks.

Origin: Depression-era America, when apparently excrement abounded.

Use it in a sentence: "I'm telling you, Bob, if we don't figure out how to get your

dad's pogo stick out of this tree, the shit's really gonna hit the fan. I mean, how's

he supposed to get to work?"

"Put a sock in it"

Definition: A terse request to be quiet.

Origin: Since early gramophones had no volume control knobs, playing them at anything

less than 11 ("my amp goes up to 11") required putting a sock in the amplification


Use it in a sentence:

Girl: "Why are you hesitating? You don't like it, do you? You think it makes me look

fat, right? Oh, I knew this would happen. I should never have gotten an orange


Guy: "Ah, put a sock in it."

"Son of a gun"


a) As an interjection, it means "gee whiz" or "well I'll be damned."

B) As a name to call someone, it's a euphemism for a phrase that's already pretty

tame: son of a bitch.

Origin: According to the Phrase Finder (www.phrases.shu.ac.uk), the expression

originated on sailing ships, where some women would have sex with sailors between the

cannons. The male progeny of such a dangerous liaison would then be called a son of a

gun. Nice pedigree.

Use it in a sentence:

a) "Son of a gun, who stole my toupee?"

B) "Bob, you old son of a gun. How's the prostate?"

"For all intents and purposes"

Definition: First of all, it ain't "for all intensive purposes." Think about it for a

minute. What the hell could that possibly mean? For all uses that are short but

really demanding? Like, oh, I don't know, midget arm-wrestling? No, "for all intents

and purposes" means "realistically speaking; practically; in almost every way."

Origin: Although its origin is unknown, the phrase used to be "to all intents and

purposes," which is still sometimes heard.

Use it in a sentence: Bob tried so hard to please Patty that he had long ago passed

the "whipped" phase and was now, for all intents and purposes, her love slave.

"Big cheese"

Definition: The most important person; the boss.

Origin: The Urdu word for thing is chiz. The British likened its sound to the word

"cheese" and, as cheese is so vital to the Brits that their pound currency was

actually pegged to the price of medium cheddar for almost two centuries, they

modified its meaning to "the main/best thing." The phrase crossed the Atlantic as

"the big cheese" in about 1890.

Use it in a sentence: The way he acted, you could tell Bob thought he was the big

cheese of the joint. But really, with his faux chains, hedge-like chest hair and

shiny zebra-striped shirt, he was just cheesy.

"Peeping Tom"

Definition: A peeping Tom is a voyeur.

Origin: It stems from an 11th century English legend in which Tom the tailor

unlawfully peeps at Lady Godiva as she rides on horseback naked through Coventry. As

a result, he was struck blind. Doh!

Use it in a sentence: To mess with the minds of any would-be peeping Toms in the high

rise across the street, every night Bob undressed in front of his window with all the

lights on, then looked out into the night and gave a big wave before retiring.

"Beat around the bush"

Definition: This old phrase means, well, you know, sort of to, like, stall and stuff,

or lie even, instead of, um -- hey look, that dog has a poofy tail! Sorry, it means

not to get to the point or the truth.

Origin: It comes from hunting, where hunters would carefully beat around bushes

hoping to drive out their prey instead of just going in after it.

Use it in a sentence:

Man #1: "Stop beating around the bush and ask the question already!"

Man #2: "Okay, fine. Can I borrow your girlfriend for, like, an hour?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A Case for Drinking More Beer

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, the slowest and weakest ones at the back are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

Shane Keith Warne Match Report 2nd Ashes Test

Day 5 of the second test. We're 1 nil up and If I was playing for England today I would be thinking... slow and steady lads, slow and steady. But I'm not thank god and his son Jesus Christ, I'm Australian, and I've woken up with a horn that a dog couldn't chew, and I'm not sure if it's because I can't wait to get that cherry in my hand and get stuck into the soap dodgers... or if it hasn't gone down since phone sex with Rianna Ponting last night. Anyway, no one in my room to stick it in, no time to get on the text messages, so I best jump in the David Gower and work up a nice lather and give the cleaner some work to do on the tiles.

Hot breakfast this morning, quite by accident. Put the lit end of the ciggie into my gob while changing hands to down an Iced Coffee. Pup Clarke thought it was a hell of a joke until I told him I used his poofy white skivvy to mop up after a phone conversation with his sister last night.

All the boys are full of beans this morning though at breaky. Pigeon was telling everyone the odds he'd got for us to win this morning, and how he's whacked all the money he won on McGilla not being selected, straight on us. Prick could have shared his bookie with me, I happen to think we'll get up today too. Particularly with the team they've got on the park. Giles couldn't turn a steak into shit. Jones couldn't keep a farking secret, or buy a run. "Bell end" wouldn't know what I was chucking at him, in fact Kay Pee and that bloke with the stupid name that doesn't usually get a game are there only hope.

Arrive at the ground and while the rest of them are keen to get into the nets for a warm up, I've got plans to test out the Adelaide sewage system by sending one of the biggest turd Adelaide has ever seen into it.

I'm only 15 minutes into this fine little session, not even up the centrefold spread yet, when I hear a muffled voice talking about the history of test cricket and how if you look back, the chances of Australia getting a win are so remote it's not worth considering, and how England just need to go steady, nothing silly needs to be done, a draw here will do just fine with 3 tests still to go, maybe we can wear down an ageing aussie side... then, along with that monster turd I was talking about, the penny has dropped... I'm in the wrong farking change room, and I'm listening to Freddy Flintstone give his pre match "inspiring" speech.... note to self, NEVER complain about punters speeches again.

So with the knowledge that we now had the game in the bag, out we trot to the centre. I've grabbed the new ball and told punter I'll sort this lot out.. punters told me to pull my stupid head in and wait till I'm told.... this is what happens when you give a short man from Tasmania a bit of authority, he tries to make you pay for all the inbreeding jokes ever created. Still, I'll bide my time, we've got all day. 10 minutes into session 1 and punter can't even look at me when he throws me the rock... of course I let him know he's made the first good call for the game, and I've asked him to trot down to fine leg please.. even he laughed at that one while jogging to first slip. An hour or so later and I'm well on the way to completely stripping any sense of pride the unwashed have built in the past 4 days. Strauss was easy, nice catch by Mr. Cricket by the way, this bloke is so good to me, and the team for that matter, I almost feel guilty about pegging his new girlfriend. Bell

"end" run out by me, even when getting run out this poor bastard has my name next to his in the wicket column....

Kay Pee, I enjoyed this one, certainly wiped the stupid smile from his south african dial.....Giles, from one spinner to one that isn't, this was a forgettable one..... and then Hoggard, felt sorry for this poor prick, I've never seen anyone this ugly before, I can see why he grows that hair.

So that's that... we had 168 to knock off in the final session, which was always going to happen. 2-0 to us, punter named man of the match, but we all know I deserved it.

Beers will flow in our rooms, tears will flow in theirs. The Ashes are back, and thank god they didn't have them for long enough for anyone to realise!

Love to your missus

SK Warne.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

well, we got Suzuki-Maruti, and now we have ... (wait for it) ... Mahindra-Renualt?? I saw an ad for the new "widebody" Mahindra-Renault Logan yesterday. The ad was bad enough to induce vomiting (What is it with Mahindra ads and helicopters anyway?) Only saving grace on the ad was the hot bird.

I shudder to think whats next. Tata-BMW maybe? bleah.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

**Don't Fart in Bed**

If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me

know and I'll pray for you.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of

farting loudl

every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes

water and

make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them

off because it

was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it

was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he

would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to blast them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey

for dinner and

he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had

put the turkey innards

and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious

thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound

asleep and,

gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the

elastic waistband of

his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual

trumpeting which

was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of

frantic footsteps

as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor

laughing, tears in her eyes!

After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in

his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as

she asked

him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned

me and

I didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my

guts out,

and today it finally happened.

But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got

most of them back in." :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Photoshop at its best! Nice :)

On the contrary, i dont think this is chopped. Anyways, good idea to make tea bags like fag's... Oh and i need a 50% commission if this is used!!!! :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Now the news is most of above vehicles will be seen on SL roads soon.Car importers are seriously eyeing on Chinese products due to many restrictions and sanctions imposed recently.Its goodbye Japan era now :( ..like in early 80s its the next continental importing revolution now..in early 80s it was goodbye Europe.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • MADZ locked this topic
This topic is now closed to further replies.

AutoLanka Cars For Sale

Post Your Ad Free [Click Here]

  • Create New...