Working Nuns

[noaim]

Working Nuns

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

10 MILES

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon he sees another sign which says:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

5 MILES

Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real. Then he drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST, FRANCIS

HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks,

"What may we do for you, my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me."

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man,

"Please knock on this door."

He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in long habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs,

"Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway."

He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

GO IN PEACE

YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED

BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

[Pericles]

Working Nuns

GO IN PEACE

YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED

BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

Seen it before This is gonna be the challenge. Find summin I haven't seen before

[noaim]

Howd i know uve really seen it! lol!

Paying For It

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Abruptly, the girl stopped the boy dead in his tracks. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After the obligatory cigarette, the boy sat in the driver's seat, staring out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

[Pericles]

Howd i know uve really seen it! lol!

Paying For It

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Abruptly, the girl stopped the boy dead in his tracks. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After the obligatory cigarette, the boy sat in the driver's seat, staring out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

OK, THAT one I haven't seen before

[noaim]

I win, eh! Damn should have placed a bet! LOL

Mississippi

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an

animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at

first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of

the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come

once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee

twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this

country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm

just tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Ill my eat hat if uve read this be4.... no wait, i wont.. i dont wear one! lol

[ash]

I win, eh! Damn should have placed a bet! LOL

Mississippi

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an

animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at

first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of

the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come

once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee

twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this

country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm

just tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Ill my eat hat if uve read this be4.... no wait, i wont.. i dont wear one! lol

That's very funny

[AMG]

Really funny man!! Good work!

[sharkster]

I win, eh! Damn should have placed a bet! LOL

Mississippi

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an

animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at

first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of

the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come

once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee

twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this

country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm

just tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Ill my eat hat if uve read this be4.... no wait, i wont.. i dont wear one! lol

thats an old one bro...gud tho start munching

[Pericles]

I win, eh! Damn should have placed a bet! LOL

Mississippi

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an

animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at

first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of

the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come

once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee

twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this

country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm

just tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Ill my eat hat if uve read this be4.... no wait, i wont.. i dont wear one! lol

Seen it. Too bad. I aint giving u my hat even to see u much it

[noaim]

*Munch*, *Chomp*, Tastes like half cooked beef * munch* *chomp*

[noaim]

"You're single aren't you?"

A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:

1 bar of soap

1 toothbrush

1 tube of toothpaste

1 loaf of bread

1 pint of milk

1 single serving of cereal

1 single serving frozen dinner

1 can of Soup For One

1 16oz can of Miller Lite

The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?"

The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?"

He replies, "Because you're ugly."

[sharkster]

"You're single aren't you?"

A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:

1 bar of soap

1 toothbrush

1 tube of toothpaste

1 loaf of bread

1 pint of milk

1 single serving of cereal

1 single serving frozen dinner

1 can of Soup For One

1 16oz can of Miller Lite

The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?"

The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?"

He replies, "Because you're ugly."

hahahahah gud one

[noaim]

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer...

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.

Men keep'a scrollin'...

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

[JwesT]

Ways girls turn romantic guys down !!!

HE: I'm a photographer i've been looking for a face like yours!

SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon .i've been looking for a face like yours!!!

HE: Hi!didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?

SHE: Must've been once.i never make the same mistake twice!!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?

SHE: No,i'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?

SHE: I must've been given your share!!!

HE: Is it hot in here or is it just you?

SHE: It's hot!!!

HE: I'd go to the ends of the world for you!

SHE: Okay,but would you stay there?

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?

SHE: Sorry! i'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Your face must turn a few heads!

SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!

HE: Go on ,don't be shy.Ask me out!

SHE: Okay,get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy

SHE: Why,are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?

SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?

SHE: why,don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?

SHE: I've already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate which brought us together?

SHE: Nah,it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: You know I can't seem to get your face out of my mind.

SHE: Wow really, I have a similar problem I cant seem to get you out of my face!!!

HE: When I look at your face, I can't hold my self down..

SHE: And when I look at your face I can't seem to keep my food down!

HE: You know when they made u they must have broken the mold.

SHE: Yeah and when they were making you must have leaked out of your mold!!

HE: Roses are red, Violets are blue, could there be anyone as beautiful as you?

SHE: Roses are red, Violets are blue, i'm sure there's no-one as ugly as you!

HE: Do you have a phone number I can reach you on?

She: Sorry, telephones are against my religion!!!

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

SHE: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?

SHE: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

HE: I'd like to call you. What's your number?

SHE: It's in the phone book.

HE: But I don't know your name.

SHE: That's in the phone book too.

HE: Hey, baby, what's your sign?

SHE: Do not Enter

HE: I know how to please a woman.

SHE: Then please leave me alone.

HE: I want to give myself to you.

SHE: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

HE: I hope you didn't hurt yourself when fell to earth from heaven.

SHE: No, but it looks like you landed on your face!

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"I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. You're doing a heck of a job. You cut your teeth here, right? That's where you started practicing? That's good. He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me." —George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., May 27, 2004

the very best of BUSH

check the top 50 BUSHISMS of 2005....

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/bl...dumbquotes2.htm

[unknown]

good stuff